


Unnamed Trash

by Bam4Me



Category: Merlin - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Gwaine Is Awesome, Gwaine is Merlin's bodyguard, M/M, Merlin is a sex addict, Modern Day Royalty, Multi, Uther keeps throwing him in the dungeons, also, arthur wont let him fire him, because Merlin keeps smart talking him, but he has a soft spot for the boy, merlin has a blog about being in the dungeons, merlin is arthur's assistant, modern day AU, so he wont fire him, with videos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-13
Updated: 2015-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-30 10:35:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3933541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bam4Me/pseuds/Bam4Me
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin Emrys;</p><p>Personal assistant to Prince Arthur Pendragon, the fifth of his name, blue eyes, fair skinned, dark hair, giant trademark ears and scarves (constantly complaining about his neck and shoulders being cold) and total sex addict. Rumored to be bedding the prince himself, but this is so far neither confirmed or denied.</p><p>Thing about Merlin though, is that he tends to piss a lot of people off, but the only person that actually holds it against him, is the king.</p><p>Of course, he could never fire Merlin for Arthur. The two of them are too far into the public eye, and Arthur is constantly saying he'd never let his father lay a hand on his assistant, much less kick him out of the castle (a place that Merlin has literally lived since he was just a little boy when his father died and his mother took over as one of the head nurses, a high position in a castle holding and housing over a thousand people) so really, there was only one thing that King Uther could do when presented with yet another one of the boys foolish plans and schemes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unnamed Trash

The Dungeon Blog: Video #34

The camera slowly stuttered from black to colour, showing the smiling face of a late-teens boy now holding the lens cap and muttering to himself about stupid lens caps making all his work harder.

He paused when he got it off and grinned even wider. His smile was charming and he looked to be in a good mood.

"Hi all! It's me again, the dazzling Merlin Emrys, coming to you from my holding cell in the dungeons on this lovely-ful day. So, I know what you're thinking, it's the same every time, 'What did Merlin do to earn the wrath of his king this time?' well, normally I would go on a rant about how King Uther was just being a jerk and I didn't mean to wander in on him while he was chatting up that princess, or how if I even breath wrong he gives me this disgusted look and that I really shouldn't be held accountable for my actions, but the man already thinks I'm a bit touched in the head, so I figure, why not get away with more than I should?

"That's right! You didn't hear a lie, for the first time ever, I the great and powerful Merlin, am fully admiting that for once, I might just be locked up in the dungeons for a good reason, and it might have been my fault entirely that that Princess is crying in her room because of reasons you shall not know and I have been sworn to secrecy not to tell. By the king. Oh fuck I'm probably gonna be down here a whole week just for talking to you guys about it!"

Merlin sighed and looked off camera to something on the desk beside him and frowned before picking it up and tossing it over his shoulder with a nervous look. That... that might have been a sex toy.

Why are there sex toys in the dungeon? Well, that's a good question, and not one that this viewer can properly answer to be honest. In fact, this viewer would like to keep the questions to a minimum when it comes to things like that.

Merlin leaned forward and picked up the camera, leaning back in his chair with it pointed at his face while he spun in a slow circle in his chair.

"You know, Princess Morgana says that one day I'm going to push him too far, and she's going to have to distract him while I make a run for another country that will give me amnesty, lest I find my head rolling across the floor of the front halls... Been thinking about good places to run to.

"Of course though, I couldn't just leave my prince. Arthur wouldn't know how to put his shirt on right if I wasn't there to do it for him. Surprised he knows how to tie his shoes sometimes. And his father calls me touched. Then again, he'd probably just kidnap Gwaine and claim him as his personal slave."

Merlin rolled his eyes, "Gwaine is another matter entirely though. I'm like still totally convinced this is all his fault, okay? He's just so... distracting." Merlin looked away with a smile, cheeks flushing as he remembered just how distracting.

Merlin slid to a stop with the camera pointing at him and showing a door behind him, looking like it was reinforced to hold back an army. Merlin made a sour face and squirmed in his seat. "You know, I feel like the guards play their radio extra loud when I'm down here so I won't be able to sleep as well. It's late though and I'm tired, so I'm going to go masturbate as loud as I can till they get either aroused and turn the music off to listen clearer, or uncomfortable and turn it off so I'll shut up and go to bed. It's a tested method."

Merlin blinked a few times, showing just how tired he was and yawned loudly, reaching out and turning off the camera.

***

Merlin Emrys;

Personal assistant to Prince Arthur Pendragon, the fifth of his name, blue eyes, fair skinned, dark hair, giant trademark ears and scarves (constantly complaining about his neck and shoulders being cold) and total sex addict. Rumored to be bedding the prince himself, but this is so far neither confirmed or denied.

Thing about Merlin though, is that he tends to piss a lot of people off, but the only person that actually holds it against him, is the king.

Of course, he could never fire Merlin for Arthur. The two of them are too far into the public eye, and Arthur is constantly saying he'd never let his father lay a hand on his assistant, much less kick him out of the castle (a place that Merlin has literally lived since he was just a little boy when his father died and his mother took over as one of the head nurses, a high position in a castle holding and housing over a thousand people) so really, there was only one thing that King Uther could do when presented with yet another one of the boys foolish plans and schemes.

He throws him in the dungeons.

It's not that bad really. Merlin still has access to internet and phone, and is still fully able to preform the majority of his daily tasks (except for the ones involving making sure Arthur's clothes are on right, dutifully delegated to one of Arthur's body guards Percival, and making the prince laugh and not be a grumpy puss, also delegated, but this time to Merlin's bodyguard, Gwaine.) and it's not like they starve him. He still gets all his meals, and people are allowed to come down and talk to him, and he has a nice bed and desk, and Uther has it on good authority, that Merlin's sex toy collection seems to have majorly migrated to this room, which is a very disturbing fact to have been made aware of in the first place, and even more when he realized that guards were bartering with each other to either be posted when Merlin was down there, or when he wasn't.

Uther was beginning to think everything that boy ever did had something to do with sex, but he was trying not to look too closely at it.

Really, he wasn't.

But, as is his life, it was full of people telling him things he didn't want to hear.

*Sigh*

Either way, it really wasn't that bad. The dungeons kept Merlin from making trouble, and he still did his personal assistant duties through a series of annoying texts and reminders that served to keep Arthur on track in his daily schedule and while meeting new people.

It was helpful. Promise.

***

The thing you have to realize about Merlin, Gwaine and Arthur; is that they've been together since Merlin was just talking (and talk non-stop he did) and Arthur was still little enough to see the benefit of friendship. Gwaine, though, he was still kind of convinced he was just kind of along for the ride.

Oh, he didn't doubt they loved him. And they did, with all their hearts, but he just couldn't see Merlin and Arthur as anything other than soulmates. He was almost honored that they wanted to share their lives with him.

Gwaine had been there with Merlin first, but Arthur had enchanted them both, wooed with both pomp and cookies, and kept with the pure love that exuded Arthur's presence every time he talked to the two of them.

It happened on an awful day in the castle, one where Arthur was expected to learn his numbers and letters and rules of the court (*snort* like those mattered anymore. Not with Merlin at his side and Gwaine snickering at dirty things behind him all the time, they didn't.) and to be a stuffy 'proper' gentleman.

Merlin had come barreling down the hallway when Arthur had just finished his last lesson of the afternoon and was going back to his rooms to have a snack before playing for the rest of the afternoon.

He'd been small. Like, baby small.

Obviously he wasn't though, cause he was walking, and shouting even, even if his words were jumbled and clouded with unshed tears.

"No, Gwaine! I's not play with you anymore!" The tiny pale blur dodged around several maids that looked like they wanted to scoop him up and put him in a corner for time out and stomped right past them. "You's cheat and mean and tease!"

"Merlin! You're going to bump into somebody, you need to slow down."

Arthur looked past the boy to see another one coming down after him, looking just a little younger than Arthur himself and very worried for the little boy. That must be Gwaine.

"I's not- ooph!" Just as Merlin was about to say that he wouldn't, he bumped into Arthur's side and fell to his bottom, looking startled and his lower lip wobbling. "I want my mommy."

The words were choked out with such pain that Arthur wanted to gather the boy up and bring him to her. He didn't like that pain in his voice.

"Merlin! Are you okay?"

Merlin looked up at Gwaine and his lip lowered as the boy let out a tearful cry, reaching out for Gwaine with little arms.

Gwaine himself wasn't big enough to pick to boy up so he got on his knees next to him on the floor and wrapped the boy up in them. Arthur just kept staring in shock. Five years of being a prince did not ready him for moments like these.

Gwaine looked up at Arthur while Merlin burrowed into his arms with sniffles and grabby hands, looking worried. "Sorry. He's only two and doesn't always watch where he's going."

Arthur's mouth parted before the boy paused, not actually sure what to say right now. Really, you'd think a prince would have all the answers. He opened his mouth again and said the first thing that came to mind. "Um, my nanny has cookies, and cookies make me feel better. Would he stop crying if he had cookies?"

Merlin paused, no longer looking like he was trying to burrow into the other boy out of fear and worry. He pulled back just enough to look up at Arthur worriedly though. Big kids hated little kids as far as he knew. Cept for Gwaine, but he was only four, so that didn't count he didn't think. He looked suspicious, but Arthur seemed to pass whatever scrutiny that Merlin was putting him through and Merlin shrugged. "Cookies is good."

"Okay."

***

And so the sons of the king, the bodyguard and the nurse all became friends. Turns out, Merlin and Gwaine weren't brothers like Arthur had thought, but just friends because their mommies worked together in the infirmary and their rooms were close enough to have them play.

Merlin liked chocolate chip cookies. Gwaine liked oatmeal. Arthur liked Merlin and Gwaine.

***

"You know, it's your own fault you're down here this time. Last time was understandable, but this time you walked in on a televised counsel meeting and told off the king for not letting me be part of the delegation meeting in Siri Lanka, saying that if he really thought it was too dangerous to let his son go, no one should be going at all. Really, I'm fairly sure this time was very justified."

Merlin rolled his eyes and looked to the open door (you see, it wasn't often open, that's the weird part) and glared at Arthur who was giving him a chiding look and Gwaine who was snickering behind his hand so hard he was starting to go cross eyed. "Seriously though, if I didn't argue it publicly, he'd never take me seriously. I knew I'd end up in here you dope. He'd be stupid not to put me in here. I just think it's stupid to show that little faith in them. I just- ugh!"

Arthur's eyes softened and he came further into the room with a large bakery box that both Gwaine and Merlin zeroed in on with their amazing can-spot-a-sweet-a-mile-away effectiveness. It was almost scary, but at least this time it was obvious.

"Will some cookies make you feel better? I know of one teenager who really likes chocolate chip." He sing songed his words to Merlin, smiling when the boy bit his lip and made a visible attempt not to jump on like a three year old and demand the cookies from his prince. Not that Arthur was ever able to say no to him anyways.

"I don't know. Is it only chocolate chip?" Merlin gave a subtle look over at Gwaine who was pouting at the idea of Merlin getting cookies and him not. Merlin never liked special treatment in anything but the bedroom.

Arthur sighed and set the bag on the desk, pulling out two boxes and handing one to each. "No, of course I bought chocolate chip and oatmeal. Only the best for my weirdos."

Gwaine snatched the box from Arthur's hands and sat back on Merlin's pilfered desk chair with a happy look and a 'thanks princess!' in gratitude.

Arthur just rolled his eyes and decided to make his escape soon, lest he have to watch them try to talk while eating, something no one should have to encure. "Are you staying the night with him, Gwaine?"

It wasn't all that often that he did, since it was kind of against the entire idea of Merlin being in the dungeons, but really, Merlin never followed rules.

Gwaine yawned out while nodding, looking like he was about to fall asleep anyways and gave a mournful look to the cookies. Merlin and Gwaine both got that look. It was their 'I want it, but I will enjoy it much more while fully awake so I cannot have it right now' look.

It was almost cute.

Only almost though.

Really, it wasn't cute at all, shut up brain.

Arthur nodded and looked between the two of them before rolling his eyes. "Just don't fuck without me. You know I get annoyed when you touch my things without asking first."

Merlin made a noise of protest at being called a 'thing' but didn't argue. In truth, Arthur loved knowing his sex addict boyfriend was doing things behind his back.

What? Gwaine was part of the relationship too.

"Okay, fine, but we're sleeping in the same bed, and I'm snuggling the hell out of him."

Arthur rolled his eyes and looked between the two of them, before pausing when he saw Merlin, laying face down on the bed with his eyes closed. Arthur leaned in a little closer and heard a soft snore coming from him and raised an eyebrow.

"What exactly have you two been doing all day to make you this tired. The guards haven't been complaining so I know you two haven't fucked."

Gwaine looked away, cringing, "Uh, there was a thing, and some guys showed up, and it became this whole big ordeal, and you really can't be bothered with the details. It's high past my bedtime, I must lay down before I fall asleep standing."

Gwaine stood up and gave another (much more fake) yawn, pushing Arthur towards the door.

"You know, Sire, you look a little nippy yourself, best get up to your rooms and have a nice hot bath, and sleep till noon. Nice night then!"

He shoved Arthur out the door and closed it after him, hearing the lock click into place with a loud thump before sighing and yawning again, this time much more real.

Time for bed.

***

The thing about Prince Arthur, Merlin Emrys, and the bodyguard Gwaine's relationship, is that it's not normal in the least.

It was kind of open, but not. They let Merlin sleep with other people, but usually asked to at least have veto power, or check them out first. Merlin was fine with that

It was easiest. Merlin the sex addict, in love with Prince Arthur, the workaholic and the bodyguard Gwaine, that one guy that never seems to be around when you most need him. They didn't always have time for the extensive play time that would be needed to keep Merlin sated and happy.

Merlin had tried to tell Arthur and Gwaine again and again that he could easily do without, but they could see the energy buzzing underneath his skin, like how he got when he couldn't use magic for some reason or another. Tightly wound and easy to temper, then easy to cry and fuss when he realized he's snapped at someone. Like, how he used to be when Arthur had first met him. Merlin was just a little thing, threw temper tantrums to rival a hyena, and made storms appear in the skies for days.

One time, when there had been a particularly bad drought when Merlin had been seven and there were afraid of the crops failing, Merlin had begged Arthur and Gwaine to make him mad. To make him angry and stroppy enough to get him in time out for a month and to do it soon.

That temper tantrum had lead to a storm that nearly flooded the storage cellars on the castle grounds, but Uther himself had thanked the boy for it.

Merlin had cried for a whole week though after that, cause he'd been so mad he'd yelled at Arthur and told him how much of a prick he could be when he didn't get his way and how he treated Merlin like his servant.

Arthur just rolled his eyes and called him stupid for thinking he wouldn't want to play with him anymore after that. Besides, it was all true anyways.

Merlin hugged Arthur until Arthur turned red and got really embarrassed, but him and Gwaine wouldn't tell him why he was embarrassed.

***

Uther Pendragon still remembers that haunting day when he found out that his son's new best friend has magic.

That tiny little boy who showed more power in one tiny sneeze than he'd ever seen from most wizards in the entire kingdom. But, to be fair, the sneeze blew out several windows and shoved three butlers into a brick wall, knocking one of them out. It was an interesting dinner.

He remembered those big blue eyes that looked up at him, startled and worried. It was common knowledge that while magic hadn't been banned from Camelot of thousands of years, the king was very wary of it.

Merlin feared Uther would tell him not to play with Arthur anymore.

"Um, Mister King Uther? I's sorry, did not mean to."

Uther's eyes went from fearful to soft in seconds, wondering how anyone could think a tiny little thing like that would harm another living creature on purpose.

"Of course, child."

The guards in the room relaxed and resumed cleaning when they realized they wouldn't be forced to arrest a three year old with a stuffy nose for an 'assassination attempt' that day.

The boy sniffled and watched Uther raise his wine glass and take a long drink while the servants and guards cleaned the room around them. Uther stayed seated with Arthur and Merlin, lest the two of them try to get up and help and end up getting hurt. Arthur was looking at Merlin curiously.

"I've never seen you do that before."

Merlin looked at Arthur worriedly and shrugged. "Think I'm sick. My nose is sniffly."

Arthur nodded, eating a grape and watching him thoughtfully. "You ever do that in front of Gwaine?"

Merlin scowled. Sometimes Arthur acted like Merlin shouldn't be friends with Gwaine. Like he should only be friends with Arthur. Mama says Arthur is jealous, which means he doesn't want anyone to play with Merlin but Arthur.

"Yes, I shows Gwaine magic all the time, we plays and plays and plays all day long and you can't stops us!"

Arthur sighed. Three year olds were so fickle. Arthur wasn't jealous of Gwaine, he just thought, maybe him and Merlin should play less. Gwaine had bad habits, like stealing cookies and burping, and he didn't want Merlin to get any of those. Uther just looked on at the two of them with interest, wondering if he was about to watch a spat.

"Merlin, you know I mean no ill will to Gwaine, right?"

Merlin gave him a shady look. Uther liked this child. "Don't know what that means!"

Arthur sighed, "It means that I like Gwaine well enough, I just think he has some bad habits I don't want you to follow in."

Uther's child is a very well spoken little thing. This may or may not be his fourth glass of wine.

Merlin gave him a grumpy look this time, "Yous have too! You snore, and you woked me up from my nap today, you snored so loud, and you-"

Merlin paused, gripping the edge of the table and blinking rapidly.

"Merlin?" Arthur looked worried for his friend.

Merlin turned to Arthur with a scared look. "Arthur, my head is spinny."

Arthur looked to his father who set his wine glass down, looking concerned. "He might have used up too much power for someone his size when he sneezed."

Arthur nodded and stood up, holding out his hand for Merlin to take. "We need to get you to your mommy so you can sleep and get better."

Merlin looked like he was about to argue all of those things at once when Uther stood up, easily plucking the child from his chair with an air of finality. "He's right. You need rest."

Merlin nodded. Him mama said it would be bad to argue with a king. He could do it though, just not till after his nap.

***

"You really do love this, don't you? You love the way it feels when I treat you like the slut you are." Arthur smiled down at the cum covered teen and slowly dragged the thick toy out of his ass, watching Merlin's hole cling to it before shoving it back in, sealing his mouth over Merlin's to catch the moans that came out after it.

"Oh stop teasing him, Princess. You know fully well he loves it." Gwaine leaned in and sealed his lips around one of Merlin's nipples, grinning when he arched into the light touch.

Merlin felt like his every nerve was on fire, but he couldn't bring himself to protest their touch yet. It always went down like this. Arthur and Gwaine were far past soft and probably not going to get hard again for hours, but all Merlin could think about was just one more orgasm before the energy in his body didn't feel like it was going to take him over and burn him up.

It was awful, and amazing all at once. He just wanted so much, and he was just so lucky he had these two boys, all willing to help him out even when they can't get anymore for themselves out of it.

Though, to be fair, Gwaine said it was fun to go further, cause he liked thinking about Merlin all messy and begging for it while wanking. Not that he'd had to wank in probably years. Not with Merlin constantly begging him and Arthur for it.

Merlin bucked up suddenly when he felt like he could stand no more and needed to come now, but Arthur got the hint as usual, speeding up the toys thrusts, making Merlin turn his head into Gwaine's shoulder and bite down, afraid he'd scream loud enough to wake up the castle with how his skin felt on fire. Gwaine cupped the back of his head and made soothing noises into his hair. Merlin tightened his fingers around Gwaine's biceps and pulled his mouth back, not wanting to break the skin again so soon after yesterday's debacle with the gauze and at least two test tubes worth of blood staining Arthur's bedsheets.

Gwaine angled his head down to watch Arthur thrust the thick dildo in before reaching down one hand to press at the swollen skin behind his balls, making Merlin let out a breathless whimper and spill onto his stomach.

Merlin gasped at the feeling and after a few seconds started pushing Arthur and Gwaine's hands away, looking worn out and sensitive.

"No, stop touching me now."

Arthur laughed and gently eased the toy of of him, smiling when Merlin immediately turned on his side and curled up away from them, looking grumpy and sullen.

"Why do you always look so annoyed after a good fuck?"

Merlin looked up at Gwaine and scowled, "Cause now everything is too sensitive, and I want to sleep, but I know I need to clean up first and won't unless I do, and my dick actually kind of hurts."

Gwaine smiled at him and curled up at his back, "Don't worry, you just take a nap, Princess will take care of the cleaning."

Arthur stood up with a grumble and went to go grab some wash cloths. When he came back, he paused, watching them in the doorway where they were curled up on the bed with Gwaine talking quietly and Merlin playing with Gwaine's hands.

Oh no.

He loved those two. Those two idiots. 

And he really might just love them. Oh no.

His idiots.

He kind of likes the sound of that.

***

"You know, they say you always end up marrying your parents. I cannot think of something further from the truth."

Gwaine shrugged, "One; you haven't made honest men out of us yet, and two; I've seen pictures of your mom, and Merlin's dad before they died, I'm as pretty as your mother, and as badass as his father."

Merlin lifted his head off the floor and gave Gwaine a confused look, "Are you trying to get us to call you 'mommy' or 'daddy?' Cause I don't want to call you either."

Gwaine looked offended, "No, Princess was the one that started this conversation, not me."

They both looked over at Arthur, studiously ignoring them at his desk while they played on their tablets in the living room. 

"What are you trying to say, My Prince?"

Arthur looked up and rolled his eyes, "I'm not trying to say anything actually. I was doing my report on the incident with the Princess of Nigeria and the serving girl, which by the way, don't you two have reports to fill out yourselves? Anyways, I couldn't help but notice that somehow, that girl managed to track down the one serving girl who both looked and acted like her father for a romp in a supply closet, out of all the other serving girls. I was simply making an observation that none of us are anything like each other parents."

Merlin looked momentarily offended that Arthur would mention his unfinished reports while Gwaine just snorted and didn't even pretend like he had any intention of doing them. Merlin kicked him hard enough in the leg that he looked contrite and went back to staring doefully at Arthur.

"Merlin, I don't like that look. Why are you giving me that look?"

Merlin let his lower lip wobble for a moment before reaching out one grabby hand to him. "Daaaaddy!!!"

Arthur stood up with an annoyed look on his face, "No, you will not call me that!"

"Hey, Princess, are you growing vines in your trousers? Cause you've got a bit of a situation going on down there."

Arthur looked down and saw that it was in fact tented before sighing. He sighed even harder when he heard Merlin snicking into the floor.

Stupid cute boys who cry. That's it! It was the crying, not the 'daddy' he's still normal...

Nope, he passed normal a long time ago.

***

"Where have you two been?" Arthur stalked across the counsel meeting room with an annoyed look.

Merlin had a bruise on the underside of his chin and another across the uppercut of his cheek. It didn't take much thought to realize Merlin didn't get that from Gwaine's mouth and he took Merlin's face firmly into hand, making the boy squirm while he tried pulling away. Arthur just kept a firm grip to assess the damage.

"Jesus, Princess, calm down. We've already been checked out in the infirmary and Merlin is just fine."

Gwaine closed the door and turned around, making Arthur's face go from annoyed to worried in seconds. Gwaine had a black eye and looked to be having a slight difficulty walking.

"What happened to you two?"

Gwaine shrugged before wincing, "Uh, bar fight?"

Here we go, back to furious, "What on Earth were you two doing in a bar? It's not even noon yet!"

Merlin and Gwaine looked at each other before Merlin flushed bright red and Gwaine looked uncomfortable.

"Never mind, I don't care. No, I care, but I obviously wont like it so I wont ask. How did you two get into a fight?"

Merlin suddenly looked lost and shrugged, "It was kind of blurry I think?"

Gwaine grinned at Merlin, "Nah, I think that's the pain pills your mom gave you doing that."

"Oh."

Arthur's brows creased. "You two drive me insane. One day, one of you will get into a bar fight, and wind up dead, and I will sob like a widow wearing all black and a veil at your funeral. Gwaine, I thought you were supposed to be his bodyguard? That means, you guard, his body!"

Merlin got that lost look on his face again, "Don't be mad Arthur. You know I never listen. Gwaine did his best though. He even cracked a rib! Don't be mad, he protected me from a lot worse I think."

Arthur looked between the two of them with wet eyes, "You're hurt? Like, seriously hurt? Oh my god, Gwaine, you should be in bed!"

Gwaine grinned, "You know me, Arthur, I never listen either."

"You two will be the death of me."

Merlin winced, "Nah, I think we might die first actually. We're idiots."

"My idiots."

"Your idiots."

"Good."

***

"Giaus, you were always very good at magic when we were younger-"

"Sire! I don't have nearly as much power as Merlin does. Without him vocal and able to help, I have no idea how to reverse it."

Uther made a dying whale noise and looked away from the three men crowding around one chair at the other side of the table, all of them looking both like they were in some sort of conspiracy to win the chair from each other, and like they were all trying to share the same existence all at once.

It was almost enchanting.

He looked desperate, "Of course. What about Morgana? I hear she's doing rather well in her studies."

Giaus raised one eyebrow before looking to the side sharply when they heard a loud crash and found Arthur, Merlin and Gwaine sprawled out on the floor in a tangled mass of limbs. Giaus looked from them back to the king and frowned. "I'm sure they're fine. The enchantment will last three days at most. But tomorrow, the animal parts will most likely be gone."

Uther nodded, "And their... animal attitude?"

Giaus thought about it for a moment, "Well, if you think about it, they aren't that far from reality-"

"Are you trying to say my son is a jackass?"

"...of course not. But if you think about it, it might not be far off- I'll shut up now. Either way, they'll be fine in another few days."

Uther nodded, looking lost as he watched Merlin attempt to wrap himself bodily around his son as if he could protect him from any harm.

He hoped so.

***

If Merlin were fully human right now, and still able to talk, he'd probably be throwing the hissy fit of the century at the moment.

A rabbit?! Who the fuck thinks, 'oh, that guy likes sex, I'll give him bunny ears' and gets away with it?! Obviously not actually, he hated this right now. He wanted to go back to their rooms and snuggle with his donkey and his puppy and maybe have lots of sex until things get better.

Oh, okay... maybe rabbit is correct?

Merlin's ears perked up when he heard Gwaine let out a small barking noise before biting into Arthur's neck, making the prince let out an offended donkey noise and try and to push Gwaine off of himself.

Merlin came over and poked at the pouting prince with a hopeful look, making Arthur glare at him.

"Maybe you three should head off to bed."

They looked up at Morgana, who was texting on the phone with one hand and holding Gwen's with her other.

Merlin made a curious rabbit noise, trying to scramble up off the floor to give them both a hug. Morgana and Gwen gave the best hugs.

Morgana looked surprised at feeling his arms around her but smiled anyways. "You know, you three could go back to Arthur's room and sleep. It might be gone by tomorrow."

Merlin made more curious bunny noises, excitedly pointing between them and his boyfriends, almost as if he expected that they could actually understand him.

They could not, but it did not stop him.

Arthur sighed, sounding resigned to being nibbled on by his assistant's bodyguard.

There were worse ways to spend an afternoon.


End file.
